The discussion also challenged the idea that mutual value must be perfectly equal at every moment. Strong relationships allow for different contributions, changing circumstances and pauses. They do not depend on keeping score. They grow when people listen, remember what matters to the other person, offer something relevant and allow trust to develop without forcing an outcome.

A loose connection therefore becomes strategic not because someone executes a networking formula, but because both people gradually discover a worthwhile reason to keep talking, sharing and collaborating.

Structured Insight from this Event

A connection creates access, not a relationship. Strategic value emerges when people use that access to demonstrate relevance, attention, reliability and reciprocal interest over time.

Structured Insight Panel

Key Questions Explored

• What makes a loose connection worth developing into a stronger professional relationship?
• How much research is useful before accepting or initiating a connection?
• Which signals suggest genuine interest, shared values or complementary expertise?
• How can someone move beyond first contact without becoming transactional or sales-focused?
• What can each person contribute while familiarity and trust are still developing?
• Does mutual value need to be equal, and how much does timing affect the relationship?
• Which small actions can strengthen a promising connection this week?

Who This Conversation Is For

This discussion is useful for professionals who want to build a network that leads to stronger conversations, collaborations, referrals and opportunities rather than simply accumulating contacts.

• Senior professionals, leaders and business owners who want to develop more purposeful professional relationships
• Consultants, advisers and service providers building trusted referral and collaboration networks
• Recruiters, candidates and HR professionals who rely on relationships before an immediate need arises
• Event participants, speakers and organisers who want conversations to continue after the event
• LinkedIn members who receive frequent connection requests and need to decide where to invest their attention
• Anyone who wants to reconnect with people in their existing network in a genuine, useful way

Key Insights from this Session

The profile is part of the first conversation

Before accepting or initiating a connection, look at the person’s profile, activity, comments, shared contacts and areas of interest. The aim is not to conduct an investigation, but to understand whether there is a credible reason to continue.

A specific reason makes a connection more meaningful

A shared event, an insightful comment, a relevant article or a clearly expressed reason for connecting provides context. Generic requests and immediate sales messages usually reveal that the sender is building a funnel rather than a relationship.

Attention is a form of value

Reading an article, watching a documentary or listening to a podcast recommended by someone shows that you heard them. A thoughtful response can do more to build rapport than a polished but impersonal message.

The long game begins before the need

Felipe described connecting with people before he needs to recruit, collaborate or make an invitation. A small history of genuine exchanges changes the later conversation from cold outreach into a continuation.

Trust grows through specific generosity

Roy’s approach is to offer something useful before asking for anything. The offer needs to be concrete and relevant. “I will keep a lookout” carries less weight than a specific introduction, resource or action.

Mutual does not mean identical

People have different amounts of time, energy, knowledge and access to contribute. A healthy relationship can accommodate uneven contributions and quiet periods, provided it is not permanently one-sided.

Do not keep score

Strong relationships are not governed by whose turn it is to message, comment or offer support. They allow people to resume a conversation after days, weeks or months without resentment.

Give people something human to remember

Personal interests such as books, gardens, sport, travel or family can create natural openings for conversation. These details make it easier to reconnect without manufacturing a business reason.

Do not force strategic potential

Some conversations will remain pleasant acquaintances. Others will develop unexpectedly. Persistence can be useful, but pressure damages trust and may end the connection altogether.

Key Concepts from this Discussion

Loose Connection

A person with whom there has been limited contact, familiarity or shared history. The connection may hold potential, but that potential has not yet developed into trust or collaboration.

Strategic Relationship

A professional relationship in which both people recognise continuing value in sharing knowledge, access, support or opportunities. Strategic does not mean transactional; the strongest examples remain genuinely relational.

Relationship Signal

An action that reveals attention or intent, such as referring to a specific post, remembering an earlier conversation, sharing a relevant resource or following through on a promise.

Progressive Trust

Trust built through a series of small, credible interactions rather than a single impressive gesture. Each step gives both people a reason to take the next one.

Relevant Generosity

Offering something useful because it fits the other person’s interests or current needs. Its value comes from relevance, not from its size or cost.

Context Driven Networking

Allowing the strongest genuine signal – an event, comment, introduction, question or shared interest – to guide the next action instead of pushing every contact through the same sequence.

Relationship Pause

A period with little or no contact that does not necessarily indicate the relationship has ended. Work, family and other priorities affect people’s availability, and a respectful pause can preserve trust.

About the Speakers

Lynnaire Johnston

Host – LinkedIn and AI Visibility Specialist, Link∙Ability

Lynnaire Johnston works with senior professionals and organisations to build clearer, more credible and more discoverable professional visibility. Her work spans LinkedIn strategy, profiles, content, networking, company pages and AI-driven discoverability. She is based in New Zealand and hosts the final Disruptive Business Leadership session of each month.

Roy Kowarski

Host – Strategic Exhibition and Brand Engagement Partner, Out There Branding

Roy Kowarski helps organisations prepare for exhibitions, trade shows, conferences and events with a clear strategy and desired outcome. His relationship-led approach focuses on helping organisations become seen, heard and remembered.

Felipe Cofiño

Panellist – HR Leader and Founder, Cofiño Consulting

Felipe Cofiño has 30 years’ experience as an HR executive and is Senior HR Business Partner at Granicus. Through Cofiño Consulting, he provides training, recruitment, coaching, compliance and auditing services. He is also a LinkedIn Top Voice, livestream host and children’s author.

Melanie Richards

Panellist – Trust and Leadership Coach

Melanie Richards is certified in trust and works as a mental fitness and leadership coach. She focuses on creating meaningful conversations around live, virtual and hybrid events and on the trust required to turn participation into lasting relationships.

Martin Stark

Panellist – Courage Champion and Storyteller

Martin Stark is a courage champion, author and storyteller. He brings a practical perspective on listening, relationship-building and the value of investing time in what matters to another person.

Knowledge Block

From Connection to Strategic Relationship

A professional connection is best understood as permission for future contact. It may make a profile visible, open a messaging channel or create recognition, but it does not guarantee attention, trust or opportunity. Those develop only when subsequent interactions give both people a reason to invest further.

The first task is to notice context. Someone may have commented thoughtfully, attended the same event, answered a poll, viewed a profile, followed an account or been introduced by a trusted contact. That context supplies the most natural next step. It also helps distinguish genuine interest from automated outreach or an immediate sales sequence.

A strategic relationship then develops progressively. One person may share a useful resource. The other may respond thoughtfully, make an introduction, remember a personal interest or follow through on a small promise. None of these actions needs to be dramatic. Their cumulative effect is to demonstrate attention, judgement and reliability.

Mutual value also changes over time. One person may contribute more at a particular stage because they have greater access, knowledge or capacity. The relationship remains healthy when generosity is recognised, neither side treats the other as a resource to be extracted, and both remain willing to contribute when they can.

This is why strategic networking cannot be reduced to a rigid cadence. A fixed sequence may create activity, but it cannot manufacture relevance. The better approach is to follow the strongest genuine signal, respond in proportion to the relationship and allow enough time for trust to emerge.

Not every connection will progress, and that is not a failure. The purpose is not to convert every contact. It is to recognise the relationships with real potential and give them the attention, patience and substance they need to develop.

Related Resources

• The Link∙Ability Blueprint
• The Link∙Ability Members’ Community
• The Visibility Advantage Podcast
• Link∙Ability Resources

Quote Highlights from the Conversation

“Don’t force it. If it doesn’t come naturally, trying to force it is not going to make any difference in the longer run.”

– Lynnaire Johnston

“It comes down to time, investment and patience.”

– Felipe Cofiño

“A genuine check-in lets someone know they have been heard, seen and valued.”

– Melanie Richards

“If you listen to understand, you cultivate trust.”

– Martin Stark

“Show people that you are interested in them before telling them how interesting you are.”

– Roy Kowarski

Key Takeaways for Professionals

• Treat a new connection as an opening for conversation, not as evidence that a relationship already exists.
• Review the person’s profile, activity and context before deciding whether and how to engage.
• Give a specific reason for connecting whenever possible. Relevance is more persuasive than a generic compliment.
• Connect before you need something. A small history of genuine interaction makes future requests warmer and more credible.
• Listen closely enough to remember what matters to the other person, then respond with something genuinely relevant.
• Offer specific value before asking for value. Useful introductions, resources and thoughtful follow-up build trust.
• Allow for different communication styles, workloads and time frames. A pause is not always a rejection.
• Avoid keeping score over messages, comments and support. Look for an overall pattern of mutual interest instead.
• Revisit existing contacts rather than focusing only on new ones. A thoughtful check-in can reopen a valuable conversation.
•  Let promising relationships develop at a natural pace. Do not force an outcome that the other person does not share.

Full Transcript

Below is the full conversation from Disruptive Business Leadership Event 77, How to Develop a Loose Connection into a Strategic Relationship. The transcript has been lightly edited for clarity and readability. Repetition, false starts and technical interruptions have been removed while preserving the speakers’ meaning and conversational style. The session replay will be available alongside this page.

Welcome and introductions

Roy Kowarski

Welcome, everyone, to Disruptive Business Leadership. This is the last week of the month, and our lead host today is our very good friend Lynnaire, who always draws the best crowds because she is the dynamic lady that she is.

“Lynnaire Extraordinaire”, I used to say, but then she got a little upset with me. Who cares if I say it? She really is extraordinary.

I am going to hand the reins over to Lynnaire, who hosts the final week of each month. Over to you, Lynnaire.

Lynnaire Johnston

Thank you, Roy. Kia ora everyone from New Zealand. It's a great pleasure to be back with you. I'm always surprised when the end of the month rolls around and Roy says, "Once again, Lynnaire, you're in the hot seat," because I always love getting together with my fabulous co-hosts, and our fabulous Meryl Cass, of course, and anyone else who is popping along to talk to us about disruptive business leadership.

So thank you very much indeed everyone for joining us, and today we're going to talk about how to develop loose connections into strategic relationships. This is a question I get asked as a LinkedIn specialist all the time, and it's one that I'm wrestling with all the time because I'm constantly being bombarded with, requests to connect, requests to follow, and also, as you can imagine, scams, spams, and pitch slapping.

So we don't want to be in any of those last categories. We want to do this properly. So today we're going to have a look at the number of ways that we can do that. But first, I want to ask our wonderful co-hosts to introduce themselves and let us know where they're from, what they do, who they help, and how they do that.

Let's start with you, Felipe.

Felipe Cofiño

I wasn't ready for that. All right. Well, thank you, Lynnaire.

Lynnaire Johnston

Me catching you off guard there.

Felipe Cofiño

I am always excited to be here with you all on Fridays – or, in some cases, Saturday. For those I have not had the pleasure of meeting, my name is Felipe Cofiño. I have been an HR executive for 30 years and I am currently the Senior HR Business Partner at Granicus.

I am also the founder of Cofiño Consulting, where I offer training, recruitment, coaching, compliance and auditing services. In addition, I am a LinkedIn Top Voice – something I take very seriously – and I take part in shows like this one with this amazing crew. I also host the Workplace Wellness Hour every other Monday, with our next show coming up this Monday.

If you look just above me, you can see that we will be celebrating our 100th episode on 9 November, which is very exciting. I am also a children’s book author, so I may as well point that out too.

I am the international bestselling author of the Backyard Adventures children’s books, which you can find on Instagram at Backyard Adventure Books. I am excited about today’s topic because I think it resonates with many of us on LinkedIn.

Lynnaire Johnston

Well, it's great to have you with us, Felipe, and thank you for that fabulous introduction that gives us a really good understanding of who you are and what you do. Let's move across to Mel. Hello, lovely lady. Please give us a bit of an introduction to you.

Melanie Richards

It is my pleasure to join you all today. I am a girl from the Bronx, which means I am a Mets fan who roots against the Yankees. When I am not doing that, I live in the Hudson Valley. I am certified in trust, and I am also a mental fitness coach and leadership coach.

I love inspiring people to create conversations around events. As Felipe said, this is a fabulous topic, whether those events are live, virtual or a hybrid of the two. Thank you so much for the opportunity to join you today.

And hello to beautiful Kristi, Leslie and everyone joining us.

Lynnaire Johnston

Thank you, Mel. And Roy, finally but not least, you are the usual host of this fabulous show, so please share a little about what you do.

Roy Kowarski

Thank you.

First, let me correct you. I am not the only host. We are all hosts, and I am very grateful to be part of this series with these amazing people, including Martin and Iliya.

Iliya has been dealing with some health issues in her family, which is why she has not been available. I want her to know that she is in our thoughts and prayers. Martin will be joining us shortly.

My name is Roy Kowarski, and I own a company called Out There Branding.

I specialise in helping companies prepare for trade shows in every respect. I call myself an exhibition and brand engagement partner.

I use the word “partner” because partnering with people means helping them achieve outcomes. Labels such as strategist or expert can put you in a little box.

When I use the words knowledge, experience and expertise, I realise that I have all three. I have worked with national and international companies including Google, MasterCard, LinkedIn, Canva, TikTok, Coca-Cola, Pepsi and Visa.

Over the years, I have found that companies prepare for exhibitions, trade shows, conferences and events without really knowing what to do. I provide a framework that assists them at every step, with the ultimate goal of achieving the particular outcome they want.

There is no such thing as one size fits all. That is what I do, and I always look forward to this final session of the month when Lynnaire leads us.

Lynnaire Johnston

Thank you, Roy. And kia ora, Martin, nice to have you with us. Would you like to tell us a little bit about you?

Martin Stark

So I'm Martin Stark, the Courage Champion. I'm the author of a book, which I'm hoping to publish next year. And I'm doing something with boxing and combat sports, which I'm not going to share. So I'm going to keep it very mysterious. But yeah, so I'm planning a few things, and I'll be sharing that later in the year hopefully.

How loose connections become strategic relationships

Lynnaire Johnston

The Courage Champion and a man of mystery. Thank you, Martin. my name's Lynnaire Johnston. I'm based in New Zealand, and I'm a LinkedIn and AI visibility specialist. And that means that I work with business professionals all over the world to help them to become visible, discoverable, searchable, and able to be surfaced on LinkedIn and through AI.

We live in a very different world now than we did just two years ago, and AI has had a huge impact on how we show up on LinkedIn, on YouTube, on Substack, on Instagram, wherever we might be. And so it's important for us to do whatever we can to make sure that we are surfaced in searches for our particular area of expertise.

Now, part of that, of course, is making sure that we build good networks of people, strong networks of people who know, like, and trust us, and that's why we are today looking at how to develop a loose connection into a strategic relationship. And so what I'd like to talk about today is that many strategic relationships just begin in a variety of ordinary ways.

It can start with a follow on LinkedIn, a comment on a post on LinkedIn or somewhere else, a brief introduction, perhaps at a networking meeting. A mutual contact might recommend us, or we might have a shared interest, but at that point, there's no trust, there's no shared history or obvious reason for us to work together.

The relationship has potential, but the potential alone doesn't make anything happen. So this discussion, today is going to explore what happens between that first point of contact, wherever it comes from, and the moment when two people are willing to collaborate. Now, I particularly love the word collaborate because there, of course, is this new collaborative post feature which I've been using to great effect.

And in fact, just this week, Roy put up a post on LinkedIn that he collaborated with me on, which has done very well, and I was very delighted when he suggested that. And also, we've got other features that allow us to collaborate through events just like this. This is a collaboration as well.

Which connections are worth developing

Lynnaire Johnston

And so this all comes about through building relationships, whether they're strategic or you might call them something else. So where I want to start with today's discussion is looking at which loose connections are worth developing. We all get those invites, don't we, from people who we look at and go, "Yeah, nah, I don't think so," and hit that ignore button for one reason Or another.

But we do need to make sure that we are put in front of, and that we run across and find people that we do want to connect with or begin those relationships with. But look, we can't get to know everybody. That is just completely unrealistic. And so we need to have a look at what makes a loose connection worth the trouble of developing into a stronger relationship.

So I'm going to ask my co-hosts here today to look at the reasons why they might say yes or no to a new connection, what makes them think that, somebody might be a good connection or a potential business partner maybe. How much research do you do? Do you look at shared values?

Do you look at complementary expertise or common interests? Can you recognize strategic potential immediately, or does it emerge later on? And what makes you curious enough to continue the conversation? So we're going to go around the room and look at those particular questions. Please share some ideas that you have, practical tips maybe.

We don't have to make this LinkedIn-centric. Of course, that's my favorite, but we can be talking about other areas of building strategic relationships as well. So I'm very interested to hear what my co-hosts have to say. We'll go around the room in the same order that we did the introductions, starting with Felipe.

Felipe Cofiño

Starting with what catches my eye and makes me connect with someone, I do my due diligence. First, I look at the person. Did they send a message? That is always eye-catching and a big plus.

I look at their profile. Are they connected with anyone I know well, or only with strangers? Are they in a field I work in? Are they posting about things that interest me or resonate with me? Those are some of the high-level things I scan for very quickly.

If none of those boxes is ticked, a message can still make the difference. Someone might say, “I aspire to work in human resources”, or in software engineering or another field, “and I would love to connect so I can learn more and follow you.” At least that gives me a reason why they want to connect with me when it was not otherwise obvious.

Lynnaire Johnston

It sounds as though you are doing all the right things. Looking at someone’s LinkedIn profile is a very good place to start. If they have created it well, it gives you a lot of information. If they have not, that sends a different message about whether they are active on LinkedIn and likely to engage in conversation.

So I think that's a very good place to start. So thank you, Felipe. Mel, what do you look for when you're being invited to connect?

Melanie Richards

In addition to some of the things Felipe mentioned, I will use this morning as an example. Brenda Miller invited me to visit a community she was in, so I was networking first thing this morning. I received three connection requests. What caught my eye was that someone in the chat of a virtual event had shared the title of another event.

Another example is a series Kimberly Lechenek and I launched. We had been talking about awareness for a couple of weeks when someone shared an event called The Awareness Advantage in the chat. The title caught my attention and led me to the organiser’s LinkedIn profile.

They had shared the event link rather than their profile. I registered, attended the following week and found the event so captivating that I sent a connection request and booked a conversation in the person’s calendar. I also shared Cathy’s memorable information with Kimberly.

Something has to capture our eyes, attention or energy – not simply our interest. It may be something a person said, wrote or shared. Sometimes, if they are not active on LinkedIn, I look at other platforms to see where they are active.

Last week, I received two connection requests with exactly the same wording from two people in exactly the same role at the same company. I sent each of them a direct message and declined both requests. It depends on the energy, the intention and sometimes simply the timing.

Lynnaire Johnston

You are right to look at what people say in comments. That reminds me to invite everyone watching today to do exactly that. I cannot see the comments from my side, so after this round I will ask Roy whether there is anything he would like to bring to our attention.

A quick shout-out to our fabulous friend Meryl Cass, who is always at these events and sends me wonderful articles from the media in his home city of New York about gardening, gardens, parks and all kinds of interesting things.

I always make sure I never miss a message from Meryl. We have never met and are unlikely to meet in person, but we have a relationship in which he sends me things he thinks I will find interesting, including professional material. Knowing what interests someone and sharing relevant information is one way to build a trusting relationship. Meryl sends me things I would never otherwise see.

I had no idea New York had so many parks, Meryl, and some of them look fabulous. Roy, tell us how you research connections or potential new connections.

Roy Kowarski

I will begin with new LinkedIn connections, then share a business example from this past week. Like Felipe, I do some research.

I want to know who the person is, what they do, the influence they have, how much content they create and how much they engage with other people’s content. I also ask whether they fit within an area where we may be able to help one another.

That is what I mean by mutually beneficial – not the version where someone says, “We have a mutually beneficial association: here is what I can sell you.” For me, it is about making sure there can be a genuine connection and engagement between us.

I am not looking to connect simply so that I can claim a vast number of followers. I would rather have quality than quantity. This week, that principle applied directly to my business. I had been developing a relationship with a creative agency, and when we met we got on extremely well.

They explained what they could do for me. Before we explored that, I gave them a database that we could use together.

The agency owner asked, “Why are you giving me all this?” I said, “Because it creates trust. I feel we have an association, so I need to demonstrate trust at the outset. If I show that I trust you can trust me, and we can build a good relationship.” That experience made this week’s topic especially relevant.

For me, it is about taking steps along a path: can I move from A to B, then B to C, and C to D? I do not want to leap from A to Z, because doing so means missing the important things in between.

The important thing is to tick the boxes along the path so that the relationship can continue to develop.

Lynnaire Johnston

It's the journey, not the destination necessarily you're talking about there. And the destination may not be the one that you thought you would land on when you started out any kind of relationship, and they can deviate off into all kinds of little highways and byways. So I think that is a really important point to make, Roy.

Thank you so much for that. Martin, how about you?

Martin Stark

I have been fairly inactive on LinkedIn for the past few months while working on other things. The occasional connection requests I receive generally fall into three groups: people who immediately see me as a customer; people who are adding me to the top of their sales funnel; and people who genuinely want to connect.

If you want me to be your customer immediately, I reject the request. If I am part of your funnel, I may accept, but as soon as an automated messaging sequence begins I delete the messages and remove the connection.

The third group describes most of the requests I now accept: “I am looking to expand my network” or “I noticed your comment here.” I judge trust by the person’s intent. A genuine person may send a message, comment on a post or interact in another way.

If the only intention is a sale, I am clearly not the right customer and will make it easier by removing myself from the funnel. LinkedIn has become crowded with AI-generated comments and identical outreach messages, such as those Melanie described.

I will remove myself so that they can focus on someone else. They do not want to build trust or rapport; they want to sell. I do not want to be sold to.

I want to build relationships and friendships. The panellists have known one another for some time, and we have built genuine rapport because we know, like and trust one another. The same applies to people who return to the show each week. That is what LinkedIn is about for me, and it guides how I respond to connection requests.

Moving beyond the first contact

Lynnaire Johnston

That makes a great deal of sense because we all receive those kinds of messages. When someone sends me a connection invitation without a note, I reply by asking why they want to connect and what it was about me that they thought might help them in their work.

Nine times out of ten – actually, make that 9.8 times out of ten – I do not receive a response. In that case, I ignore the invitation and send it on its way.

This week, however, I had an interesting interaction that showed a different way of reaching out. I followed a woman I had come across elsewhere on LinkedIn because she was sharing useful information that I wanted to see in my feed. Following her was all I did. The next day, she messaged to thank me.

She asked whether I had followed her because of A or B. I replied that it was actually C and explained why. That started a conversation which, only a few days later, resulted in a meeting in both our diaries. It will be very interesting to speak with her.

I do not think it will be a sales call. There are synergies between what she does and what I do, and she is not offering to help with my podcast, promise a million YouTube views or sell me more LinkedIn training.

I think it will be a very interesting conversation with potential. Some relationships never progress beyond that first conversation, but what happens when they do? How do you decide whether they are worth developing?

It begins with how the contact feels. You can often sense whether it may develop: whether the person is genuinely interested in you and your work, and whether they are prepared to reach out or share something unexpected, as Roy did with the agency he mentioned.

For this next round, I want to explore how we move beyond first contact. What gives us a genuine reason to do that? Does our approach need to offer something useful or valuable, and what might that be? How do we respond when the other person makes the first move?

Let us start with Felipe.

Melanie Richards

It depends. In some cases, someone reaches out because we attended an event together. At other times, they may respond because I answered a poll, which is becoming an interesting source of messages and connection requests.

We may never have spoken before. Two people whose polls I recently answered both sent messages, and one of those exchanges will result in a call. Sometimes there is a need – ours, theirs, a mutual need or the need of someone to whom they are introducing us.

Lashelle Atkins, America’s Supermom, is a great example. She introduces me to 40 or 50 people every year. We may be travelling, busy or dealing with family matters, but it is often a question of capturing someone’s attention for long enough to read a message, notice that something has changed or answer a question with a useful resource.

Many of my requests are event-based. I am also receiving fewer lead-generation approaches. People may have heard me say that there needs to be a reason for connecting. However, I am again beginning to accept some connection requests that arrive without a message.

It depends on the person, the time zone and even whether we have had a nap before reviewing the request. For me, timing matters.

Lynnaire Johnston

Your point about connection requests arriving without a message is worth pausing on. People may not realise that those with a free LinkedIn account can attach notes to only a small number of invitations each month, while those of us with paid accounts can send many more.

We are therefore more likely to receive invitations without a note. Since LinkedIn introduced that restriction, we have had to work harder when a request arrives: looking at the person’s profile and activity, doing our own due diligence and considering where there may be synergies. We can no longer rely on the invitation message – which, to be fair, was often poor anyway.

When a message is not personal, patterns often reveal that everyone the sender knows – or does not yet know – is receiving exactly the same words. That is not particularly helpful to either side.

It is worth remembering that not everyone can add a note to a connection invitation. Thank you, Mel. Felipe, let us see whether your connection has improved.

Felipe Cofiño

There is a great deal of value in what you said about people who cannot send notes. That is why it is so important to look at their profiles and identify what might resonate with you. I use the same long-game strategy when recruiting as I do when trying to turn a loose connection into a collaboration.

I connect with people before I need them. Ideally, we connect because something about them has resonated with us, even if they remain a loose connection for a while. Simple things – sending a message after connecting or wishing them a happy birthday – create a conversation history, and that history is gold.

It adds the sense that you have spoken before and are more than two names in a network. Think of the difference between having been introduced to someone and being a complete stranger. I use that approach when I am looking to recruit executives.

Before COVID, I might message someone to ask how things were going in their role and then say, “We have been connected for a while. Would you be open to a coffee, my treat, to talk about the industry and an opportunity we may have here?” Those invitations received a very positive response.

Virtual coffees work too. The point is that the slow, gradual process – connecting, wishing someone a happy birthday, asking how things are going and only then making the real request – has given me an acceptance rate above 90 per cent because of the time invested.

Here is another example. Someone wrote a book that I used in leadership training 20 years ago. They have since written other books, are very well known in their field and have more than two million LinkedIn followers. I followed and commented on their work, and one post particularly resonated with me.

If someone publishes content, be visible in it. I began liking and commenting, then used that particular post as the basis for a connection request. I said, “I really loved this. I have used your book in training before and am fascinated by how the idea has grown.”

I did not ask whether we could connect. I wrote, “I look forward to being connected.” It was a small, positive assumption. He accepted, shared a second book and we began talking.

I was delighted that he said yes. The long game did not consume hours, but I was patient, showed my interest and allowed the connection to develop. The same approach works whether you are recruiting or seeking a collaborator. I would love him to appear on our Workplace Wellness Hour to discuss his book.

It comes down to time, investment and patience.

Lynnaire Johnston

Time, investment, and patience. Very good idea. One of the new features that LinkedIn has dropped recently is something called a private note, which means that when you go to somebody's profile, you'll see an opportunity there to just to make a few notes about how you met the person, what you've got in common, and so it's kind of like a mini CRM system.

And if you are being patient like you are, then you can just put a note in there that you called them, talked to them, did this, did that, and then you've got an instant reminder, which means you don't have to go back through all your messaging. Or if you haven't messaged the person because you're not connected, then that just tells you what you have done, in fact, so you're not relying on your memory to recall what it is that you've already done and how you've started to build that relationship.

Felipe Cofiño

I have not seen that feature. I look forward to seeing it.

Lynnaire Johnston

So go to anybody's profile and it should show up as a private note. New features on LinkedIn take 90 days, thereabouts, to roll out, so if you haven't got it yet, it's still on the way, unlike a lot of other things for most of us. Some really good ideas there, thank you very much, Felipe.

Roy, you're up next to tell us about, what you think around this particular topic, which is how do you move beyond the first contact?

Roy Kowarski

I will approach this from two angles: people who reach out to me, and people I want to connect with.

When someone reaches out, I want to know whether they have viewed my profile. I have Premium, so I can see who has visited it. I also want to know whether they have engaged with any of my content.

I am not looking for numbers. I am looking for quality connections with people who engage and with whom there may be mutual value.

When I want to connect with someone, I do what I would like them to do. I visit their profile, learn who they are and what they do, then begin engaging with their content.

I do not rush through five posts at once simply to be noticed. I spread that engagement over a week or ten days.

Only then do I send a connection request, explaining why I want to connect. When I provide that context, my acceptance rate is extremely high.

Those who do not accept are usually inactive on LinkedIn, which is outside my control. I think of it like trying a new food: you take a bite, decide whether you like it and either continue or stop.

If you like what you find, you go further. If you do not, that is where it ends.

That is how I approach the question. Thank you, Lynnaire.

Lynnaire Johnston

I like the idea of looking at someone's LinkedIn profile to see whether they are active or not. A lot of people don't necessarily post. A lot of people repost other people's content, which means you never get a real understanding of what they actually think. And a lot more people are commenting these days, and you can look at someone's comment feed, if you like, from their activity section, and then see what kind of comments they're making.

And if they are useful, valuable, add to the discussion, then that's a potentially good person to connect with. If they are of the ilk, "Great share. Thanks for sharing," then, maybe not. So looking at somebody's comments and their activity section is a really good way to get an understanding about what they are doing on LinkedIn, and anybody who has an activity section that has got pretty much nothing in it, they might not be the best person for you to put your time and effort into on LinkedIn.

If they're really important to you, find them somewhere else, because people are often on other places, not necessarily on LinkedIn. Don't ask me why. I mean, if they want to waste their time on platforms that are not professional, well, that's fine with me. But LinkedIn, I think, is the place for all of us to be.

Martin, tell us your ideas around this particular question.

Martin Stark

I am going to share a story.

Lynnaire Johnston

Are you really? That is surprising.

Martin Stark

There is someone I wanted to connect with. I read an article about their work, then tailored my connection request to what I had learned. During our conversation, the person recommended a documentary. I watched it on Thursday evening, replied on Friday morning with my thoughts and sent them an article in which I had been quoted.

I took the cue that the documentary mattered to them. By watching it, responding thoughtfully and sharing something relevant in return, I demonstrated genuine interest. They then said, “If you ever need help, reach out.” In an era of AI-generated interaction, investing your own time matters.

Listen and engage. If you can spend half an hour listening to a podcast or 15 minutes reading an article, then discuss it with the person, you show that you have genuinely engaged with their recommendation. They may then be willing to give you their time. It comes back to the quality of your engagement.

After only six or seven messages, he was the one who said, “If you ever want to chat, reach out” – even though that was what I had wanted all along. It happened because of how I invested my time.

You might say, “I listened to this and really liked X and Z”, “This worked for me”, or “Here is a useful resource.” Listen to understand, not merely to respond. As Mel says, that is how we cultivate trust.

If you listen to understand, you cultivate trust through simple, genuine engagement.

Lynnaire Johnston

That is fascinating. I watched a very moving documentary this week about a famous Brazilian photographer who documented international events throughout his long career. It moved me to tears.

It had not occurred to me that sharing something personally meaningful like that might also open professional doors, because it reveals something about me and my values.

That is a very interesting idea. Thank you.

Martin Stark

He suggested that I watch a documentary, so I did and then replied with an article. If someone recommends something that matters to them, take the time to explore it. That shows that you listened and helps build rapport.

Building trust and mutual value

Lynnaire Johnston

Yeah. I think that's a really good way to build, trust, over time as well, so thank you for that idea. So that takes us to, very neatly, to our next round of questions, which is about, trust and mutual value. So how do we do this?

What kinds of things can we do? Martin had a great example about responding to a documentary recommendation. This round looks at what needs to happen after that first conversation for familiarity and trust to grow.

Does mutual value need to be equal, or can each person contribute differently? How important are reliability, generosity and following through? How do small interactions accumulate into trust? Felipe, let us start with you again.

Felipe Cofiño

First, I use what I call the famous Meryl Cass strategy: when I see something that makes me think of someone, I send it to them. I apply that in my personal life too. Instead of wondering how an old friend is doing, send a message or make a call.

Do not take the first interaction for granted. Say, “I enjoyed our conversation and look forward to what comes next”, or share an article related to something the person mentioned. In one conversation about children’s books, someone mentioned Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library.

At five o’clock that same afternoon, we heard that Dolly Parton had passed away. I immediately messaged him to ask whether he had heard the sad news. He replied that they were doubling down on their investment in the Imagination Library. That was an opportunity that could easily have been missed.

I am not a fan of keeping score – “I messaged you last, so now you must message me.” We are not in the school playground. I value relationships, friendships and business partnerships where we can resume after two days, two weeks or two months, because life happens.

There still needs to be give and take. One person will inevitably contribute a little more at times, but there should be mutual checking in, sharing and engagement.

Do not expect every connection to comment on, like or share every post. I would never demand that or become upset when someone does not do it.

When a post genuinely resonates with me, I comment or share it. If it does not, I will not manufacture a response. My strategy is give and take without rigid rules about how the other person must behave.

I would rather have a relationship with someone who understands the value of the person and recognises that life sometimes intervenes.

Lynnaire Johnston

That makes sense. We all approach these things a little differently. Expectations about commenting depend on the relationship. I comment on Roy’s posts whenever I can.

I may not reach a post for 24 hours, but I rarely miss one because we have a particular professional relationship in which we support one another. That is something a relationship can develop into, but it cannot be expected from the start.

It has taken time.

Felipe Cofiño

You said, “whenever I can”, and that is what people need to understand. If someone does not engage with a post, that is all right. Do not become angry with them.

Lynnaire Johnston

You do not want to see Roy angry when I have missed one of his posts! To his credit, he has never once said, “Oi, Lynnaire, you missed one.” I try not to miss them precisely because he would never demand that of me.

That is a measure of the trust between us. I look for Roy’s comments on my posts, but I do not expect them. That is worth remembering.

So thank you for that one, Felipe. Mel, where are you sitting on this trust and mutual value question?

Melanie Richards

I think mutual is challenging because we're in a world where how we measure things, we use different yardsticks. I remember Lynnaire teaching me about fortnights. It means two weeks. some people will say, "Give me an inch. Give me a foot. Give me a yard." And I think people measure things differently, especially in the process of building relationships.

We have to remember there's another human. Hopefully it's not a bot. We have to remember there's another human on the other side of it to allow time for a response. Someone sent a connection request, five months ago. When I replied they let me know they were on vacation.

Two months later they sent me an email.

They recently just sent me an offer. There was no continuity. So in terms of the measurement, either you're not necessarily writing your comments, you're not necessarily writing your posts, you're not necessarily sending your emails. We build relationships differently. This one may stay in the stalled lane. It may be somebody who I followed and maybe now I'll unfollow.

And I think we have to remember, and I appreciate Kimberly Lechenek for being around and in Angie Sage Leadership Room we were discussing alignment. Really good healthy relationships have some alignment. They have an opportunity for realignment, because sometimes what works for one of us doesn't work for the others.

And think that happens, too, in terms of communication. David Pushkin's mentioning it in terms of genuine engagement. What's genuine is different to all of us. And I think sometimes I used to, and Kimberly and I talked about this a while ago, there's a power of a pause

There is power in a pause. We need to allow time for a response. Lynnaire will laugh: I save almost 80% of her posts. How would she know? I do not necessarily comment on all of them, but I bookmark them so I can look at them later and think:

“Here is something I need to ask about”, “I did not understand this”, “Could we work together?” or “Could I hire you?” We need to give relationships time to bloom, blossom and sometimes simply pause. Martin is one of the most patient people I know when building relationships, and he checks in.

A genuine check-in reaches across distance and time zones to let someone know they have been heard, seen and valued. It is one of the best ways to cultivate trust.

Lynnaire Johnston

I love that. Martin, have you anything to add? I should really go to Roy, but because Mel mentioned you, I will come to you first.

Martin Stark

Checking in matters. Roy, Felipe, Mel and the rest of you invest time in relationships, and that is my point.

I am in and out of LinkedIn at the moment. I spend some time looking and “lurking” because I work full-time and am writing a book. Being less active does not mean my relationships with people have changed.

The time you invest must also reflect the time you actually have. We have other priorities: work, growing a business and paying the bills. Give people the time they need, but also protect the time you need, because a relationship is not mutual when it is one-sided.

It is not mutual if you do most of the work while someone else takes most of the benefit. We also need time for ourselves. Much of my LinkedIn time currently goes into working on my business, my book and other projects.

LinkedIn will eventually be a marketing vehicle for my book, but I am not there yet. For now, I look, comment when I can and check in when time allows. I also come here every Saturday morning.

I still want to be part of the community. Give yourself permission to take a break. Mutuality should not come at the expense of the other things you need to do.

Lynnaire Johnston

I think it's important to recognize that not everybody is on LinkedIn all the time, every week, every month, or year. And so you're calling yourself a lurker there, and I understand what you're saying, but you've got a very good, history, Martin, of what you've done on LinkedIn, and anybody who looks at your profile will see that.

They might see that you've not been as active recently as you have been in the past, but they still know that there you are, you're lurking around there and doing something in the background. So I think that we need to remind ourselves and remember that people who are not currently active may not always be currently active.

We do not know what is going on in their lives. They may not be writing a book, but they could be doing something else that is really important. Felipe?

Felipe Cofiño

I want to connect something Mel said about measurement with Martin’s point about time. Phrases such as “I will get back to you soon”, “shortly” or “in a little while” may mean two minutes to one person and two months to another.

It helps to be explicit: “Please reach out again in October, when I will have more time.” As Martin said, we need to protect our time. If we do not tell people when the timing will be better, they may continue to approach us. Mel’s point about different measurements and Martin’s point about time fit neatly together.

Thank you for letting me share that.

Lynnaire Johnston

No problem. Roy, you're the last one on this round.

Roy Kowarski

For me, the next step relates as much to business as it does to LinkedIn. During my 12 years in BNI, I learned the “givers gain” principle.

My philosophy is to offer something before asking for anything. Whether the relationship is on LinkedIn, in business, professional or personal, my usual question is, “What can I do to help you right now?” That builds trust because the focus is on helping them, and I try to make the offer specific.

I do not simply say, “I will keep a lookout”, because that often leads nowhere. A specific offer shows that you are genuinely interested in moving the relationship forward.

That is my go-to approach.

Lynnaire Johnston

I think that's a really, sensible thing. You have to be specific about what it is you're offering, and it has to relate to somebody. This documentary that I saw this last week, there's no point in me sending that to somebody who doesn't know me, because they would go, "What on earth has this got to do with, any kind of professional relationship I might be developing with Lynnaire on LinkedIn?

It's completely irrelevant." But people who I have already started to build a relationship with, who I'm getting to know, they might find it interesting to know how I felt about that particular documentary. And so I think that we can look at different ways to be able to reach those people that we might want to do something for.

Practical actions

Lynnaire Johnston

And as Roy says, in different words, "Dig the well before you're thirsty." So we're just about out of time actually, but I hope Roy will just give us a minute or two extra to do a closing round with one specific thing that you can do or that our listeners can do this week to develop a loose connection into a more thoughtful, professional relationship.

Mel, we're going to start with you on this one.

Melanie Richards

I learned one useful practice from Mack Loftscher, who joins Felipe on Social Saturday Chat. Mack has an app that shows us who we have not contacted recently. Once a week, I deliberately reach out to two people with whom I have not had a conversation.

Two or three times a week, I also contact someone I have not spoken with that season. It is not simply a birthday or business-anniversary message. Perhaps the last time we spoke, they were about to go on holiday. Mike LeBlanc is a good example.

I messaged Mike to ask how he was and how his holiday had gone. Sometimes a person simply comes to mind. Keep the contact genuine, real and simple. Ask about their children or another detail that matters to them.

Follow up in your own time and according to your own schedule. As Martin said, we do not always have time. Take breaks when you need them and look after your mental health when doing outreach.

Lynnaire Johnston

I love that, and I also love the reference to Brenda. We know two things about Brenda: Piper is one and pie is another. Give people something personal, as well as professional, that others can connect with. For me, it is my garden.

Anyone who knows me knows I am a fanatic. That gives people an easy, personal way to begin a conversation. If we each share something like that, it can make a difference.

Felipe, your final thoughts?

Felipe Cofiño

Okay. So and I love what Mel said. my final thoughts are, give more than you take.

What I mean is that not everyone is good at sending birthday wishes, but many of us have received them. When I replied, “Thank you for the birthday wish. How are you doing?”, I was surprised by how many people gave a meaningful answer.

That simple question opened some very deep, personal and positive conversations. When someone opens up in that way, the relationship moves to another level.

I also have a story from early in my LinkedIn life.

For one month, before publishing my next post, I engaged with as many other posts as the number of reactions I had received. If my post received 30 reactions, I engaged with 30 posts; if it received ten, I engaged with ten. It taught me to engage more and look for those opportunities. After that month, it became natural.

I no longer count in that way, but it changed my mindset.

Lynnaire Johnston

Maybe you will. Martin, some final thoughts from you?

Martin Stark

I will return to the question of time. I am working on two things: a book that I will share later, and a company I established a couple of weeks ago that has something to do with boxing. When you invest in something strategically, it helps to have a plan. You are often better placed to share and reach out on LinkedIn once that foundation is ready.

With a solid base, you can begin conversations. Share when you are ready; then, when you ask for help or seek to build rapport, you have something firm to build upon.

Lynnaire Johnston

Thank you very much indeed, and Roy, we'll finish with you.

Roy Kowarski

Mine is just one sentence – one I use often myself: show people that you are interested in them before telling them how interesting you are.

Final reflections

Lynnaire Johnston

That was brief, and it makes a great deal of sense. My final point is: do not force it. If the connection does not develop naturally, or the other person is not interested in communicating, pressure will not create a trusting, two-way relationship.

Take your lead from the other person. A little persistence may be appropriate, but do not go overboard. If your approach feels like spam or becomes annoying, people may simply disconnect.

That is very easy to do on LinkedIn, particularly when people do not yet know you well. That brings us to the end of today’s discussion about developing a loose connection into a strategic relationship.

We have covered a lot of ground and you have all offered some excellent ideas. I have a stack of notes, and I particularly love the Meryl Cass strategy. That is a name I will be using from now on in all kinds of interesting places. Meryl, you had better watch out – you are now going to be immortalised in a strategy.

Trademark indeed. Thank you, everyone, for such fantastic ideas. I will be pursuing this conversation in another direction a little later and will talk with you individually. Roy, thank you again for giving me the opportunity to chair today’s discussion. I look forward to seeing you all again at the end of October.

Over to you, Roy.

Closing remarks

Roy Kowarski

First, Lynnaire, as we have our best attendance when you lead the discussion, so there must be a message in that for all of us: you are “Lynnaire Extraordinaire”. Thank you. I also want to thank our panel of hosts. There is no chief host, main host, extra host or special host.

We are all hosts, and each of us plays a significant part in the process. We come here to share insights, to “edutain” people – to educate and entertain them – and to learn as we go. Thank you, Mel, Felipe, Martin and of course, Lynnaire.

I have received a message from Iliya to say that her mother-in-law passed away two days ago and funeral arrangements are under way. If anyone would like to reach out to her, I am sure she would appreciate some virtual hugs from us. I also want to recognise our master connector, Meryl.

Every week – and not only for this LinkedIn Live – Meryl connects and supports people. It is absolutely incredible. I also know I say this every week, but it genuinely matters that Leslie Flowers includes us in her carousel.

We appreciate it. That is how podcasts and LinkedIn Lives grow, improve, reach wider audiences and welcome new people. Think of how many new commenters have been invited by Meryl. Thank you all.

Most importantly, thank you to everyone who shows up for the session, whether for five minutes, half an hour or the full hour. Your presence motivates and inspires us to return each week with different topics.

We will be back next Friday at 5.00 pm Eastern Standard Time. Australia will move into daylight saving soon, so we will work out how that affects the timing, but for now it is 5.00 pm Eastern next week.

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone. I hope you have enjoyed today’s discussion and are leaving with ideas that you can put into action in your own life. See you all next week.